I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
