You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
