I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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