Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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