Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
