No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
