I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize