Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
