the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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