guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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