I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
