from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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