Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
