I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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