all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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