And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
