Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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