in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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