i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
