do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
