I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
