I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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