After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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