Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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