happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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