Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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