I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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