I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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