I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize