Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
