OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
