One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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