dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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