dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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