NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
