is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
