Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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