yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
