dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
