I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
