no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
