those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
