Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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