I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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