omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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