I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
