we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
