we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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