Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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