Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
