well I can't set my house on fire every night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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