Well apparently he's into motor boating.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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