I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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