I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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