Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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