Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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