wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
