Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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