He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
