it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
