I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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