the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
