I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize