I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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