I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My ass is underappreciated
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
