So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
